is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
