There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
