Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
