I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Randomize
