.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
