ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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