I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
