oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
