my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
