Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
