Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
The best revenge is premature balding
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
