hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
There r osticjed everywhere
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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