the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
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