Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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