I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
