you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
