I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
