Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
