That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
