I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
