you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
