Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Randomize
