I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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