He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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