what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
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She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
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March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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