I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
