Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
