There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
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I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
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I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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