please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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