Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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