Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
