now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize