He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
it glows. i had to have it.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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