Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Randomize
