Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
