I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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