I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
