Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
