The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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