I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
where are you?
Hypothermia
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
