READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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