i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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