also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I cannot find my penis.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
