We need to start having sex underwater more often.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
