i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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