He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
