Can i not drive my cunt home
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Randomize
