I accidentally had phone sex last night
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
