I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
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it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
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I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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