Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
