I smell stomach acid.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Randomize
