I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
