If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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