Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
