And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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