This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
