Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
