It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize