the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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