stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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