I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
