Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
