that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
