1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
